51 of the Best 5 Love Languages
Exercises to Try This Year
You’ve undoubtedly heard of “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. You also likely know the book’s premise: There are five different and unique ways of expressing and receiving love.
In case you can’t remember all five off the top of your head, here they are:
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Receiving Gifts
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
Have you read the book?
I’d suggest any human in a relationship with another human read it!
The Five Love Languages aren’t just for romantic relationships. Gary Chapman has numerous books on the topic that are specifically targeted for:
- singles
- men
- children
- teenagers
- military families
Knowing how each person’s love “tank” gets filled can help you cultivate and maintain healthier and more meaningful relationships.
That stated, naming the 5 love languages isn’t going to change your relationship.
Nor is simply knowing which ones are most meaningful to you or those you love.
Putting into action the unique ways of expressing love is the way to unlock a more fulfilling relationship.
Let me ask you a question:
If you are familiar with your loved one’s language, can you rattle (off the top of your head) the actions within their love language that are most meaningful to your loved one?
If not, I highly encourage you to use the list of 5-Love-Languages exercises as a springboard to discuss what actions speak to both you and your loved one the most.
In case you don’t know about the 5 Love Languages, at the end of the blog, I’ll give you the link to take the quiz.
The 5 Love Languages Exercises:
1. Word of Affirmation
People that get their love “tank” filled through words of affirmation need to be heard and affirmed. When you say supportive things to your loved one, it goes a long way towards making them feel more connected and valuable.
Try to make a habit of verbalizing, emailing, and texting your appreciation & compliments to them.
Here are some affirmation that might go a long way towards connection:
- Thank you for making me smile today.
- I love that I get to go through this life with you.
- You make me a better person.
- Right now, there is no one I’d rather be with!
- Thank you for thinking about me.
- Thank you for loving me.
- With you, I am at home.
- Thank you for taking care of me!
- I love how you handled that situation.
- How did I get so lucky to find you?
Here’s a list of you things you want to AVOID when WORDS OF AFFIRMATION are a loved one’s language:
Make an assumption that your loved one knows how loved they are.
Make an assumption that they know how good they are.
Make the assumption that they know how proud of them you are.
Criticism that isn’t framed as an opportunity for growth.
Not appreciating or recognizing their efforts.
2. Acts of Service
With acts of service, you can talk, but your words don’t bear much weight. Make sure your actions demonstrate that you intend to be of service to your partner.
If your loved one feels love through ACTS OF SERVICE, they feel love when you:
- Empty the dishwasher
- Fill up the car with gas
- Clean their technology screens
- Ask, “How can I help you today?”
- Shovel the snow or rake the leaves without being asked.
- Do their least favorite chore for them
- Take out the trash
- Walk the dog when it’s your turn
- Make dinner for them before they get home
- Change the lightbulbs and smoke detector batteries.
Here’s a list of you things you want to AVOID when ACTS OF SERVICE are a loved one’s language:
Make sure that your ‘yes’ means ‘yes.’ Don’t lack follow through.
Don’t make work more important than your loved one.
Putting others’ needs above your loved one.
Ignoring requests for help.
The 5 Love Languages Exercises:
3. Physical Touch
If physical touch is most important to your loved one, know that they feel most connected and safe when they are holding your hand or snuggling with you.
Physical touch is often confused with “sex.”
While intimacy is a part of physical touch, those who feel loved by physical touch get their “tank filled” by something as simple as holding hands.
Here are some ideas if PHYSICAL TOUCH is your loved one’s language:
- Pat their back
- Rub their shoulders
- Give a hug and don’t let go
- Touch foreheads
- Put your arms around their waist
- Stare into their eyes
- Cuddle on the couch
- (If it’s your kiddo) give them a high five
- Sit close as you watch TV
- Kiss their neck
Here’s a list of you things you want to AVOID when PHYSICAL TOUCH is a loved one’s language:
Prolonged periods without intimacy
Avoiding your loved one
Physical abuse is never okay. For people that are in need of physical touch, it is especially torturous.
4. Receiving Gifts
In my opinion, the name of this one should simply be “gifts.”
After all, for some people, their language is receiving gifts.
For others, giving gifts is a way they show their love.
Here are some gift giving ideas that don’t break the bank:
- Buy or make your loved one lunch and bring it to their work
- Buy or create a gift card
- Bring a small treat from the grocery store
- Give them a gift certificate for their car to be wash
- Give flowers for no reason at all
- Buy them a book that they have wanted
- Buy them an app on their phone or computer that they have wanted
- Create a journal of shared memories together.
Here’s a list of you things you want to AVOID when GIFTS are a loved one’s language:
Whatever you do, don’t forget their birthday or other special occasions!
Give them a gift without any excitement on your end! The gift means little to your love one if it is a duty!
The 5 Love Languages Exercises:
5. Quality Time
Are you all about giving your loved one undivided attention? If Quality Time is what your loved one is after, you are doing great!
Make sure the phone is off and your focus is on them. They desperately want your attention with both eyes on them.
Here are some ideas on how you spend some quality time with your favorite person:
- Have a weekly date night that is on the calendar!
- Take a class together
- Run errands together
- Play a game
- Watch TV together
- Try out a new restaurant
- Volunteer together
- Go on a bike ride
- Talk!!!
- Take a lunch break together
Here’s a list of you things you want to AVOID when QUALITY TIME is a loved one’s language:
Being away from each other for prolonged periods of time.
Conversations while multitasking.
Spending time with others… just not your loved one.
Not making time together a priority.
Ready to Take the 5-Love-Languages Quiz?
Go here and see where your love language lies.
In the meantime, are you ready to give therapy a go?
I'm here to help!
Free free to contact me directly if you have questions or to schedule a brief call to see if I might be able to support you as you journey forward.
Jill
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As a marriage and family therapist, I also offer:
Relationship Counseling
Individual Counseling