You’ve undoubtedly heard of “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. You also likely know the book’s premise: There are five different and unique ways of expressing and receiving love.
In case you can’t remember all five off the top of your head, here they are:
Have you read the book?
I’d suggest any human in a relationship with another human read it!
The Five Love Languages aren’t just for romantic relationships. Gary Chapman has numerous books on the topic that are specifically targeted for:
That stated, naming the 5 love languages isn’t going to change your relationship.
Nor is simply knowing which ones are most meaningful to you or those you love.
Putting into action the unique ways of expressing love is the way to unlock a more fulfilling relationship.
Let me ask you a question:
If you are familiar with your loved one’s language, can you rattle (off the top of your head) the actions within their love language that are most meaningful to your loved one?
If not, I highly encourage you to use the list of 5-Love-Languages exercises as a springboard to discuss what actions speak to both you and your loved one the most.
In case you don’t know about the 5 Love Languages, at the end of the blog, I’ll give you the link to take the quiz.
People that get their love “tank” filled through words of affirmation need to be heard and affirmed. When you say supportive things to your loved one, it goes a long way towards making them feel more connected and valuable.
Here are some affirmation that might go a long way towards connection:
Make an assumption that your loved one knows how loved they are.
Make an assumption that they know how good they are.
Make the assumption that they know how proud of them you are.
Criticism that isn’t framed as an opportunity for growth.
Not appreciating or recognizing their efforts.
With acts of service, you can talk, but your words don’t bear much weight. Make sure your actions demonstrate that you intend to be of service to your partner.
If your loved one feels love through ACTS OF SERVICE, they feel love when you:
Make sure that your ‘yes’ means ‘yes.’ Don’t lack follow through.
Don’t make work more important than your loved one.
Putting others’ needs above your loved one.
Ignoring requests for help.
If physical touch is most important to your loved one, know that they feel most connected and safe when they are holding your hand or snuggling with you.
Physical touch is often confused with “sex.”
While intimacy is a part of physical touch, those who feel loved by physical touch get their “tank filled” by something as simple as holding hands.
Here are some ideas if PHYSICAL TOUCH is your loved one’s language:
Prolonged periods without intimacy
Avoiding your loved one
Physical abuse is never okay. For people that are in need of physical touch, it is especially torturous.
In my opinion, the name of this one should simply be “gifts.”
After all, for some people, their language is receiving gifts.
For others, giving gifts is a way they show their love.
Here are some gift giving ideas that don’t break the bank:
Whatever you do, don’t forget their birthday or other special occasions!
Give them a gift without any excitement on your end! The gift means little to your love one if it is a duty!
Are you all about giving your loved one undivided attention? If Quality Time is what your loved one is after, you are doing great!
Make sure the phone is off and your focus is on them. They desperately want your attention with both eyes on them.
Here are some ideas on how you spend some quality time with your favorite person:
Being away from each other for prolonged periods of time.
Conversations while multitasking.
Spending time with others… just not your loved one.
Not making time together a priority.
Go here and see where your love language lies.
In the meantime, are you ready to give therapy a go?
Free free to contact me directly if you have questions or to schedule a brief call to see if I might be able to support you as you journey forward.
Jill
As a marriage and family therapist, I also offer:
Relationship Counseling
Individual Counseling