what's on our bookshelf...
the best books for therapy
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healthy boundaries
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“Anger is something we feel. It exists for a reason and always deserves our respect and attention. We all have a right to everything we feel—and certainly our anger is no exception. “Anger is a signal and one worth listening to,” writes Dr. Harriet Lerner in her renowned classic that has transformed the lives of millions of readers. While anger deserves our attention and respect, women still learn to silence our anger, to deny it entirely, or to vent it in a way that leaves us feeling helpless and powerless. In this engaging and eminently wise book, Dr. Lerner teaches both women and men to identify the true sources of anger and to use it as a powerful vehicle for creating lasting change.”
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This book “outlines the steps to take so that good relationships can be strengthened and difficult ones can be healed. Taking a careful look at those relationships where intimacy is most challenged–by distance, intensity, or pain–she teaches us about the specific changes we can make to achieve a more solid sense of self and a more intimate connectedness with others.”
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“This book lets you eavesdrop on a handful of intrepid couples as they engage in twelve intense weeks of group counseling. As you listen to their stories, you’ll learn how to stay interested in your partner in the good times, how to communicate in the stressful seasons, and how to keep your love alive in the normalcy of everyday life.”
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“With exquisite simplicity, Buddhist monk and Vietnam refugee Thich Nhat Hanh gives tools and advice for transforming relationships, focusing energy, and rejuvenating those parts of ourselves that have been laid waste by anger. His extraordinary wisdom can transform your life and the lives of the people you love, and in the words of Thich Nhat Hanh, can give each reader the power “to change everything.”
✻ The Dance of Anger
“Anger is something we feel. It exists for a reason and always deserves our respect and attention. We all have a right to everything we feel—and certainly our anger is no exception. “Anger is a signal and one worth listening to,” writes Dr. Harriet Lerner in her renowned classic that has transformed the lives of millions of readers. While anger deserves our attention and respect, women still learn to silence our anger, to deny it entirely, or to vent it in a way that leaves us feeling helpless and powerless. In this engaging and eminently wise book, Dr. Lerner teaches both women and men to identify the true sources of anger and to use it as a powerful vehicle for creating lasting change.”
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“This clearly articulated statement offers a hopeful and workable approach to conflict—that eternally beleaguering human situation. John Paul Lederach is internationally recognized for his breakthrough thinking and action related to conflict on all levels—person-to-person, factions within communities, warring nations. He explores why “conflict transformation” is more appropriate than “conflict resolution” or “management.” But he refuses to be drawn into impractical idealism. Topics include: Defining Conflict Transformation, Conflict and Change, Connecting Resolution and Transformation, Creating a Map of Conflict, Developing Our Capacities.”
shame
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Everyone loves Brene Brown… I do too and this is my favorite book on shame. Bradshaw does an amazing job of deconstructing shame. I can’t recommend it enough!
✻ Any Brene Brown including:
- I
Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone
- Men, Women and Worthiness: The Experience of Shame and the Power of Being Enough
- The Gifts of Imperfection
- Rising Strong: How the Ability to Reset Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
✻ Shame and Pride: Affect, Sex, and the Birth of the Self
“Drawing on every theme of the modern life sciences, Donald Nathanson shows how nine basic affects―interest-excitement, enjoyment-joy, surprise-startle, fear-terror, distress-anguish, anger-rage, dissmell, disgust, and shame-humiliation―not only determine how we feel but shape our very sense of self.”
grief
✻ When Bad Things Happen to Good People
“When Harold Kushner’s three-year-old son was diagnosed with a degenerative disease that meant the boy would only live until his early teens, he was faced with one of life’s most difficult questions: Why, God? Years later, Rabbi Kushner wrote this straightforward, elegant contemplation of the doubts and fears that arise when tragedy strikes. In these pages, Kushner shares his wisdom as a rabbi, a parent, a reader, and a human being. Often imitated but never superseded, When Bad Things Happen to Good People is a classic that offers clear thinking and consolation in times of sorrow.”
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“In this book, Kessler gives readers a roadmap to remembering those who have died with more love than pain; he shows us how to move forward in a way that honors our loved ones. Kessler’s insight is both professional and intensely personal.
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“When a loved one dies we mourn our loss. We take comfort in the rituals that mark the passing, and we turn to those around us for support. But what happens when there is no closure, when a family member or a friend who may be still alive is lost to us nonetheless? How, for example, does the mother whose soldier son is missing in action, or the family of an Alzheimer’s patient who is suffering from severe dementia, deal with the uncertainty surrounding this kind of loss?
In this sensitive and lucid account, Pauline Boss explains that, all too often, those confronted with such ambiguous loss fluctuate between hope and hopelessness. Suffered too long, these emotions can deaden feeling and make it impossible for people to move on with their lives. Yet the central message of this book is that they can move on.”
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“In The Grieving Brain, neuroscientist and psychologist Mary-Frances O’Connor, PhD, gives us a fascinating new window into one of the hallmark experiences of being human. O’Connor has devoted decades to researching the effects of grief on the brain, and in this book, she makes cutting-edge neuroscience accessible through her contagious enthusiasm, and guides us through how we encode love and grief. With love, our neurons help us form attachments to others; but, with loss, our brain must come to terms with where our loved ones went, or how to imagine a future without them.”
✻ Understanding Your Grief
“Explaining the important difference between grief and mourning, this book explores every mourner’s need to acknowledge death and embrace the pain of loss. Also explored are the many factors that make each person’s grief unique and the many normal thoughts and feelings mourners might have. Questions of spirituality and religion are addressed as well. The rights of mourners to be compassionate with themselves, to lean on others for help, and to trust in their ability to heal are upheld. Journaling sections encourage mourners to articulate their unique thoughts and feelings.“
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Don’t let the name of this workbook keep you from purchasing it! It is super helpful for those struggling with anxiety or depression!
addiction
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“Based on Gabor Maté’s two decades of experience as a medical doctor and his groundbreaking work with people with addiction on Vancouver’s skid row, this #1 international bestseller radically re-envisions a much misunderstood condition by taking a compassionate approach to substance abuse and addiction recovery.”
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“In Loving Someone in Recovery, therapist Beverly Berg offers powerful tools for the partners of recovering addicts. Based in mindfulness, attachment theory, and neurobiology, this book will help readers sustain emotional stability in their relationships, increase effective communication, establish boundaries, and take real steps toward reigniting intimacy.”
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“If you have a loved one who is struggling with alcohol or other drugs, you may have feelings of frustration, anger, fear, or sadness. You may also feel powerless and unsure of how to help them, and how best to support them over time. You don’t have to try a “tough love” approach or wait for your loved one to “hit rock bottom” before taking action. You can be a force for positive change in your loved one’s life. This compassionate guide will show you how.”
✻You’re Not Crazy – You’re Codependent: What Everyone Affected by Addiction, Abuse, Trauma or Toxic Shaming Must Know to Have Peace in Their Lives
“If your life has been affected by addiction (yours or someone else’s), abuse, trauma or toxic shaming, you may also be struggling with another invisible problem – codependency. Without your even being aware of the connection to the above issues, it has created additional life-long challenges such as endless guilt, anxiety, perfectionism, need to control, depression, a history of dysfunctional relationships and much more. “
relationship resources
✻ Hold Me Tight
“The message of Hold Me Tight is simple: Forget about learning how to argue better, analyzing your early childhood, making grand romantic gestures, or experimenting with new sexual positions. Instead, get to the emotional underpinnings of your relationship by recognizing that you are emotionally attached to and dependent on your partner in much the same way that a child is on a parent for nurturing, soothing, and protection.”
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“John Gottman’s unprecedented study of couples over a period of years has allowed him to observe the habits that can make—and break—a marriage. Here is the culmination of that work: the seven principles that guide couples on a path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship.”
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Couples by Intention lets you eavesdrop on a handful of intrepid couples as they engage in twelve intense weeks of group counseling. As you listen to their stories, you’ll learn how to stay interested in your partner in the good times, how to communicate in the stressful seasons, and how to keep your love alive in the normalcy of everyday life.
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This couple’s conversation deck will help you rebalance your to-do lists, reclaim your time, and rediscover and nurture the skills and interests that make you uniquely you. Whether you just moved in together, hit a snag in your domestic bliss, or are struggling to keep with your growing family, this adaptable card deck will help you balance the work needed to keep your household humming.
✻ Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging
“Decades before the American Revolution, Benjamin Franklin lamented that English settlers were constantly fleeing over to the Indians-but Indians almost never did the same. Tribal society has been exerting an almost gravitational pull on Westerners for hundreds of years, and the reason lies deep in our evolutionary past as a communal species. The most recent example of that attraction is combat veterans who come home to find themselves missing the incredibly intimate bonds of platoon life. The loss of closeness that comes at the end of deployment may explain the high rates of post-traumatic stress disorder suffered by military veterans today.”
✻ Affect Regulation and the Repair of the Self
“Allan Schore’s groundbreaking integration of neuroscience with attachment theory has led to his description as “the American Bowlby,” with emotional development as “the world’s leading authority on how our right hemisphere regulates emotion and processes our sense of self,” and with psychoanalysis as “the world’s leading expert in neuropsychoanalysis.” The American Psychoanalytic Association has described Dr. Schore as “a monumental figure in psychoanalytic and neuropsychoanalytic studies.”
trauma
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“Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, one of the world’s foremost experts on trauma, has spent over three decades working with survivors. In The Body Keeps the Score, he uses recent scientific advances to show how trauma literally reshapes both body and brain, compromising sufferers’ capacities for pleasure, engagement, self-control, and trust. He explores innovative treatments—from neurofeedback and meditation to sports, drama, and yoga—that offer new paths to recovery by activating the brain’s natural neuroplasticity.”
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“In an Unspoken Voice is based on the idea that trauma is neither a disease nor a disorder, but rather an injury caused by fright, helplessness and loss that can be healed by engaging our innate capacity to self-regulate high states of arousal and intense emotions. Enriched with a coherent theoretical framework and compelling case examples, the book elegantly blends the latest findings in biology, neuroscience and body-oriented psychotherapy.”
the best books for therapy
about
forgiveness
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Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Nobel Peace Prize winner, Chair of The Elders, and Chair of South Africa’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission, along with his daughter, the Reverend Mpho Tutu, offer a manual on the art of forgiveness—helping us to realize that we are all capable of healing and transformation.“
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My favorite book of all time. It’s not an easy read… and how Patton conceptualizes forgiveness is masterful.
families
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“Most people’s lives are complicated by family relationships. Birth order, our parents’ relationship, and the “rules” we were brought up with can affect our self-esteem and relationships with spouses, children, and other family members. Family of Origin therapy and techniques can help you create better relationships. This easy-to-read, practical book explains how families function and what you can do to change the way you act in your family and with other people.”
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“Every family experiences power struggles, but these daily tugs of war are not inevitable. Beloved parenting expert Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, Ed.D. addresses the everyday challenges of disciplining children, while understanding the issues behind their behavior. In Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles, Dr. Mary offers unique approaches to solving the daily, and often draining, power struggles between you and your children. She views these conflicts as rich opportunities to teach your children essential life skills such as how to calm themselves, to be assertive rather than aggressive, to solve problems, and to work cooperatively with you and others.”
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“Surviving and Thriving in Stepfamily Relationships draws on current research, a wide variety of clinical modalities, and thirty years of clinical work with stepfamily members to describe the special challenges stepfamilies face. The book presents the concept of “stepfamily architecture” and the five challenges it creates, and delineates three different levels of strategies―psychoeducation, building interpersonal skills, and intrapsychic work―for meeting those challenges in dozens of different settings.”
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“Leading stepfamily expert Ron L. Deal reveals the seven fundamental steps to blended family success and provides practical, realistic solutions to the issues you face as a stepfamily. Whether married or soon-to-be-married, you’ll discover how to: Solve the everyday puzzles of stepparenting and stepchildren relationships, Communicate effectively with an ex-spouse, Handle stepfamily finances confidently, “Cook” your stepfamily slowly rather than expect an instant blend.”
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“Parents need help to confidently take on the challenges of guiding children through divorce or separation and raising them skillfully in 2 homes. The authors, both trusted divorce and co-parenting coaches, provide the road map for all family members to safely navigate the difficult emotional terrain through separation/divorce and beyond.”
spirtuality
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“The Enneagram―a universal symbol of human purpose and possibility―is an excellent tool for doing the hardest part of consciousness work: realizing, owning, and accepting your strengths and weaknesses. In this comprehensive handbook, Beatrice Chestnut, PhD, traces the development of the personality as it relates to the nine types of the Enneagram, the three different subtype forms each type can take, and the path each of us can take toward liberation. With her guidance, readers will learn to observe themselves, face their fears and disowned Shadow aspects, and work to manifest their highest potential.”