When ending the relationship is on the table...
Discernment Counseling
for couples on the brink of separation in the Indianapolis Area
One of you is trying to save the marriage while the other is considering ending it...
I'm guessing you or your partner has said something like:
"I don't love you anymore."
"I love you... but I'm not in love with you anymore."
"We're too different... We should've never gotten married."
"You're not the person I married."
"I met someone else."
If you're doing everything you can to save the relationship, this is like daggers to your heart.
If you have one foot out the door, it feels like a relief to finally stand in your truth.
If separation is on the table, you might catch yourself feeling:
...like things aren't ever going to get better
...unsure of where to turn
...hurt, resentful, & alone
...just plain stuck
You just want to get some clarity about what steps to take...
I can help both of you slow down and gain clarity about all of the options for your marriage or relationship.
Discernment Counseling May be Beneficial to Your Relationship if:
One partner is leaning out
You or your partner are considering ending the relationship.
One partner is leaning in
You or your partner are interested in rebuilding the relationship.
You'd both like to gain clarity
You and your partner are looking for the best path to choose… ideally, one that benefits all involved.
Discernment Counseling will help you decide between three paths
You can continue your relationship exactly how it is.
You just keep on keeping on.
You can decide to separate.
You end the relationship and go your separate ways.
You can decide to launch an all-out effort to improve your relationship.
This includes regular couples therapy to work on the relationship.
You can continue your relationship exactly how it is.
You just keep on keeping on.
You can decide to separate.
You end the relationship and go your separate ways.
You can decide to launch an all-out effort to improve your relationship.
This includes regular couples therapy to work on the relationship.
The hardest part is getting started.
Stop struggling.
What is unique about discernment counseling?
- At the end of each session, you will make a joint decision on whether to come back for another session. Both of you have to agree to schedule another session.
- Discernment counseling may be as short as 1 session but is no more than five sessions before either stopping counseling, transitioning to ongoing relationship counseling -or- individual counseling to work through your ambivalence.
- There’s a combination of couples work but it is mostly individual work. The reason is that each of you is starting this process from a different place. You each have unique needs and agendas.
- Whether or not all five sessions have been completed, if a decision is made by one or both partners to end the relationship, that concludes the discernment counseling
3 Main Goals
of Discernment Counseling
1. Clarity.
You’ll have greater clarity about the direction you want to go. You’ll also understand better your relationship dynamics and patterns.
2. Confidence.
You will feel more certain about the next steps regardless of what path you take:
- Continue on as you have been
- Move forward with divorce
- Take divorce off the table for 6 months and commit to couples therapy
3. Increased Understanding
You will be more aware of your relationship dynamics, better understand your partner, and the healthy & unhealthy roles that each person plays in the relationship.
The hardest part is getting started.
Stop struggling.
- Traditional marriage counseling is designed to help a couple repair their marriage.
- When someone isn’t sure they want to save the marriage, traditional marriage counseling won’t help.
- It’s very different from traditional couple’s counseling because this kind of counseling is not about solving the problems; it’s about figuring out whether the problems can be solved – and whether you want to solve them.
Discernment Counseling is not appropriate when:
- There is domestic violence present in the relationship
- There is an Order of Protection from the court
- One spouse is coercing or manipulating the other to participate.
- If one spouse is 100% committed to leaving the relationship.
- It is ALWAYS a short-term process
- The session is divided between conversations with the couple together and individual conversations with each spouse.
- At the end of each session, the couple will decide if they have the clarity to move forward on the path of their choosing.
Nope! Marriage counseling requires two people that want to work on bettering their relationship.
Nope! The only people qualified to say if your marriage can or should be saved are the two people IN your marriage. I provide structure and support for you both to gain clarity and confidence on how to move forward.