Anxiety • Practical skills for everyday life
How to Deal With Anxiety: 5 Skills That Help You Get Unstuck
Your brain has considered the worst-case scenario. And a few bonus scenarios, because apparently it had time. Let’s give you a few more ways to respond.
Anxiety can take up a lot of space.
You have replayed the conversation. Rewritten the email. Mentally prepared for something that has not even happened yet.
Learning how to deal with anxiety starts with noticing what is happening and choosing a useful response. Sometimes that means helping your body settle. Sometimes it means solving a real problem. And sometimes it means taking a small, safe step while anxiety comes along for the ride.
You do not need to master all five skills at once. Start with something that fits the moment you are actually having.
First, understand the pattern
Why anxiety can keep you feeling stuck
Anxiety can show up as racing thoughts, a tense body, irritability, difficulty sleeping, or an urge to avoid something. Those experiences can have several causes; a checklist cannot tell you whether you have an anxiety disorder.
Read more: NHS guidance on anxiety.
One common pattern is surprisingly persuasive: something feels threatening, you avoid it, and you feel relief. Your brain would very much like to repeat the part that brought relief.
One common anxiety loop
Relief now. More avoidance later.
- A threat prediction
“What if this goes badly?”
- Avoid or escape
Cancel, put it off, or leave.
- Brief relief
“Whew. I don’t have to do it.”
- Less chance to learn
You miss a chance to discover you can cope.
Next time, the urge to avoid may feel even more convincing.
Based on the Centre for Clinical Interventions’ explanation of the anxiety cycle.
Over time, avoidance can leave you with fewer opportunities to discover that you can handle a situation. But stepping back is not always a problem. Leaving an unsafe situation, setting a boundary, resting, and using needed accommodations can be healthy choices.
The question is whether anxiety is repeatedly pulling you away from things that are safe enough and important to you.
Name the anxiety and check the facts
Start with a simple observation: “I’m noticing anxiety right now.”
Then get specific. What are you predicting? What do you actually know? Are there other reasonable explanations?
What I know
“My friend has not replied.”
What I’m predicting
“They’re angry. Our friendship is over.”
Your feelings are real. You can respect them while checking whether the story attached to them fits the evidence. A balanced response might be: “I don’t know why they haven’t replied. I can give them time.”
This kind of thought-checking is part of cognitive behavioral approaches. NHS: reframing unhelpful thoughts.
If there is a concrete problem, take it seriously. An overdue bill may call for a payment plan. An unsafe relationship may call for support and protection. Coping skills should help you respond to your circumstances.
Give your body some support
When you feel keyed up, try making your breathing a little more comfortable. Sit with support if that helps. Let your breath move gently, without forcing a large inhale or holding it. Count slowly if that feels useful; you do not need a perfect rhythm.
NHS: comfortable breathing for stress.
If focusing on your breath makes you more uncomfortable, stop. Try looking around and describing three ordinary things you can see, or noticing where the chair supports you. Paying close attention to internal sensations can initially increase distress for some people.
VA: coping with stress reactions.
The goal is to find something usable. You do not need to win a breathing competition.
Separate problem-solving from repetitive worry
Worry can feel productive. But thinking about a problem and taking a useful step are different activities.
Write down the worry. Then ask yourself one practical question.
Give the worry a direction
Is there an action to take?
Choose one next step.
Make it specific enough to do.
“I have a deadline.”
Next: choose the first task and schedule time for it.
Make room for uncertainty.
Plan when to revisit it, or notice the prediction and return to your day.
“What if everyone dislikes what I say?”
Next: return to the conversation you want to have.
Need information about an appointment? Write down the question and contact the office. Already asked the question and received an answer? Notice whether more thinking is adding anything useful.
For recurring worries, try a brief, planned “worry time.” Write thoughts down to revisit then, sort out anything actionable, and return to a chosen activity.
You are practicing where to put your attention. You are not required to produce certainty before the day can continue.
Approach safe situations in manageable steps
If anxiety keeps you avoiding an ordinary, reasonably safe activity, consider a smaller version of that activity. Gradual exposure involves planning manageable steps and practicing them, rather than throwing yourself into the most frightening situation.
Centre for Clinical Interventions: situational exposure.
Suppose you want to participate more in routine work meetings. Your practice could look something like this.
An example, not a required timeline
Build a step you can actually practice.
- Start with one person.
Share an idea with a trusted coworker.
- Try a smaller setting.
Ask a prepared question in a smaller meeting.
- Build from there.
Offer a brief comment in a larger meeting when the step fits your plan.
Your steps may be smaller, larger, or completely different. You do not have to reach zero anxiety for the practice to count.
Where opposite action fits
Opposite action is a DBT skill associated with Marsha Linehan. When fear does not fit the situation, or acting on the urge would be ineffective, it may help to choose an appropriate approach behavior. For fear, the skill overlaps with exposure principles.
Linehan: background on DBT skills.
For example, if a routine email is ready and anxiety wants a tenth reread, the useful action might be sending it after a reasonable review.
Formal exposure treatment involves more than a generic “face your fears.”
Practice leaving some uncertainty unanswered
It is normal to want reassurance. The difficulty comes when relief is brief and you need the same answer repeatedly.
For example, you might repeatedly ask whether someone is upset with you, even after receiving a clear answer. The goal is not to stop asking for help. It is to notice when the question has become part of an anxiety loop.
Centre for Clinical Interventions: reducing reassurance seeking.
Try one small experiment: after receiving a reasonable answer, pause before asking again. Notice the urge, allow some uncertainty, and return to what you were doing. If this pattern is difficult to change, work on it with support.
“I would like more certainty, and I can take the next step without having all of it.”
Keep necessary information, medical advice, accessibility supports, and healthy communication in the picture. Anxiety work should support your life, not make you less supported.
Between anxious moments
Make the basics a little more supportive.
Sleep, regular meals, movement that works for your body, and supportive connections can make coping more manageable. Notice whether caffeine adds to your jitteriness.
These habits can support mental health, but they are not a test of willpower or a substitute for treatment when treatment is needed.
Practice a skill during an ordinary moment, too. It is easier to remember a tool you have tried before than to learn it for the first time when your mind is sounding every alarm.
You can get some backup
When is it time to get help for anxiety?
Consider reaching out when anxiety is affecting sleep, work, school, relationships, or everyday decisions—or when avoidance is making your life smaller. You do not have to wait until things are unbearable.
Treatment can include psychotherapy, medication, or both. Cognitive behavioral therapy is a well-studied option; acceptance and commitment therapy is another approach that may be useful. A clinician can help you understand what you are experiencing and discuss a plan.
If trauma is part of your experience, mention it. You can also explore High Thrive’s EMDR and trauma therapy information to learn about that area of care.
You do not need a polished explanation before a first conversation. “I’m anxious, I’m tired, and what I’m doing isn’t helping enough” is a perfectly reasonable place to begin.
High Thrive Counseling
Anxiety therapy in Indianapolis, Indiana, and Florida
Practical, personal support for teens and adults. Your clinician and appointment options depend on your age, location, and needs.
Indianapolis
In-person anxiety therapy in Broad Ripple.
6229 Indianola Ave
Indianapolis, IN 46220
Directions to the office
Indiana
Online therapy for clients throughout Indiana. Talk with us about clinician fit and the concerns you want help with.
Florida
Online sessions with Jill Frame, LMFT, CST. Discuss your goals and availability during a consultation.
A free 15-minute consultation gives you a chance to ask questions and see whether working together feels like a useful next step.
A few common questions
More about dealing with anxiety
How can I deal with anxiety in the moment?
Start by noticing what is happening and whether anything needs immediate attention. If the situation is safe, try comfortable breathing or orienting to your surroundings, then choose one small next action. A coping skill can still be useful even if it does not remove every anxious feeling.
Why does avoiding something feel so helpful at first?
Avoidance can bring immediate relief. When that becomes the usual response to safe situations, you may have fewer opportunities to learn that you can cope. Gradual practice is one way to work on this pattern.
Can anxiety cause shortness of breath?
It can, including during panic. However, shortness of breath has other possible causes, and an article cannot determine the cause for you. New or unexplained symptoms deserve medical assessment. Severe difficulty breathing or chest pain or pressure can require emergency care; call 911 in the United States if you may be having a medical emergency.
Does getting better mean never feeling anxious again?
Occasional anxiety is part of life. Treatment aims to reduce distress and interference and help you do more of what matters to you. Improvement does not require proving that you will never have another anxious day.
Can I work with High Thrive online in Indiana or Florida?
Yes. Online options are available throughout Indiana, and Jill offers online sessions for clients in Florida. Use the consultation to discuss your location, goals, and clinician fit.
About the author
Hi, I’m Jill.
Jill Frame, LMFT, CST is a therapist at High Thrive Counseling in Indianapolis. Her work includes anxiety, trauma, and relationship concerns. She offers in-person sessions in Indianapolis and online sessions for clients in Indiana and Florida.
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