Being uncertain of whether to stay in a marriage or leave is stressful.
It’s also not a decision that most people make very lightly.
You may be feeling stuck… staying married may seem impossible and getting divorced seems equally impossible.
When one of you is leaning towards leaving, marriage counseling is likely not the best type of counseling.
If you are on the brink of separation or divorce, discernment counseling will:
Depending on the concerns and struggles of the couple, marriage counseling can last a LONG time!
Discernment counseling isn’t about trying to improve your relationship, it’s about gaining clarity and confidence to:
Discernment counseling isn’t meant to be long-term.
Therefore, it is capped at five sessions.
Why five sessions?
What the heck is a “Mixed Agenda Couple?”
It’s when one of you is leaning in and wants to salvage the relationship, while the other is leaning towards separation.
Understanding that there is a mixed agenda acknowledges the reality of where your relationship is at (not where you may wish it to be):
Simply put, with discernment counseling, you (and I) meet the crisis head-on.
Similarly, rather then prematurely getting a divorce, discernment counseling provides you with the space to contemplate aspects of the marriage you may not have considered.
Finally, regardless of the decision you come to at the end of discernment counseling, you will have laid a foundation that helps to build a more clear path and a positive relationship… even if you decide on divorce.
Choosing a divorce doesn’t mean the counseling was unsuccessful!
While you are in marriage discernment counseling, you will:
With greater communication tools and more clarity, the divorce process is set to go more smoothly.
You’ll have:
What’s the next step in discernment counseling if you decide you want to work on your marriage?
It is suggested that you move on to marriage counseling for a minimum of six months.
This is because five sessions of discernment counseling isn’t going to strengthen your relationship adequately.
You’ve decided to put your effort into marriage AND it takes time to change deeply entrenched patterns of behavior while utilizing the tools that you have learned.
You’ll have a leg up when you enter marriage counseling as you’ve already pinpointed communication issues and patterns of behavior that keep you stuck.
Discernment counseling is about:
Gaining clarity about your marriage and determining the next steps for your relationship.
It isn’t about solving your marital problems. It is about figuring out if you want to try to solve the problems.
If you are wrestling with the idea about the next steps in your marriage, discernment counseling is likely right for you.
In the meantime, are you ready to give therapy a go?
Free free to contact me directly if you have questions or to schedule a brief call to see if I might be able to support you as you journey forward.
Jill
As a marriage and family therapist, I also offer:
Relationship Counseling
Individual Counseling