39 of the Best Pre-Marriage Counseling Questions
As I stated in my first post, it’s well worth your time to contemplate these questions. If- on the off chance you aren’t convinced- let me offer more reasons why:
- You will clearly understand your partner’s view on sex, money, children, and household responsibilities.
- Answering premarital counseling questions can help you manage expectations for years to come!
- It will reveal important information about your partner that you didn’t know.
- It helps build trust.
- When differences of opinions arise, it will give you the chance to deal with your differences of opinions.
So… without further ado, let’s look at 39 more premarital counseling questions you should consider before walking down the aisle.
1. Pre-Marriage Counseling Questions re: Marital Roles
We humans often don’t realize that we have expectations… until they aren’t met.
You may assume that your partner will be good at some of things your parent was good at. Or you may have unrealized expectations that your partner will execute the tasks that your parent traditionally did… but this rarely happens.
Therefore, it is a good idea to gain clarity about your expectations with the prompts below:
- What roles did your parents/caregivers take in your family of origin?
- How would you like those roles to be similar?
- How would you like those roles to be different?
- What roles would you expect your partner to take on?
- How will you divide household chores?
- What roles and responsibilities did your parents/caregivers take on in terms of child rearing?
- What do you envision the roles to be in your relationship if you decide to have children? (here’s a caveat to consider)
2. Questions re: Sex
Use these premarital counseling prompts to gain a greater understanding of the expectations each of you have around sex and intimacy:
- How often would you like to have sex?
- Do you have concerns and/or fears about sex?
- Do you have concerns about trust that show up around sex?
- How do you want your spouse to show you love?
- Is there something about your sexual history that you feel like your partner should know?
- Do you have thoughts/concerns about your partner’s sexual history prior to knowing them?
- What turns you off?
- What turns you on?
- What gets you in the mood for sex?
3. Pre-Marriage Counseling Questions re: Conflict
Conflict is part of the deal when you decide to get married. Researchers have found that nearly ⅔ of conflict doesn’t have resolution.
This is because most fights have to do with personality differences and individual needs. While these may not be resolved, you and your partner do have some choices in how to deal with conflict!
Couples can learn to effectively communicate about these issues or they can argue.
The questions below may help you to pinpoint strengths and growth opportunities regarding conflict:
- How did your parents/caregivers handle disagreements, arguments, & conflict in your household?
- Which aspects of their conflicts do you believe were healthy?
- Which aspects of conflict do you believe were unhealthy?
- How do you deal with conflict that isn’t resolvable?
- How would you describe healthy communication? Name examples in your relationship when this was demonstrated.
- How would you describe unhealthy communication? Name examples in your relationship when this was demonstrated.
- Would you want to get couples therapy if you were having problems?
- Do you want to find solutions to problems immediately, deal with them later, or bury them?
4. Questions re: Social Media & Infidelity
Here are some questions that you may not have considered:
- What is your definition of infidelity?
- What is your definition of betrayal?
- What is your definition of an emotional affair?
- What is your definition of a physical affair?
- What are boundaries that are important for you to put in place regarding relationships outside of the marriage (e.g., colleagues, friends, social media usage)?
- Are there clear deal breakers in your mind? If so, what are they?
5. A Mishmash of Random (but important) Pre-Marriage Counseling Questions
- Do you like pets? If so, what kind of pets do you like?
- How do you feel about vacationing with friends rather than each other once in awhile?
- Would you ever consider relocating to a different state or country?
- Are there parts of your partner’s lifestyle that you are uncomfortable with- for example- their health, exercise, substances, activities, hobbies, career, etc?
- How would you like to maintain your own sense of self while also being part of a couple?
- Define a “happy” marriage.
- Who are your positive relationship role models for marriage?
- What aspects of various friends/acquaintances marriages do you admire and why?
- Are there any health issues that you have that your partner should be aware of?
Stay tuned for more topics on premarital counseling!
In the meantime, are you ready to give therapy a go?