Therapists don't have the answers to your problems… But You Do!
Start readingBy Jill Frame, LMFT, CST · First published January 2023 · Last reviewed October 2026
I've noticed that some people take their therapist's advice as the capital ‘T’ Truth.
I sometimes think that therapists have replaced a role that has traditionally been given to a religious leader or a wise elder…
And I'm not gonna lie, it makes me uncomfortable.
“Have you talked to your therapist about that?”
“Has your therapist given their blessing on your choice?”
“I need to make an appointment to see my therapist about this problem…”
“I’m hoping my therapist will tell me the ‘right’ way to handle it so it goes away.”
“My therapist says I need to do (XYZ action)”
“If I do what my therapist wants, my life will be better.”
The goal of therapy is not to rely on the therapist forever. It is to have the confidence and tools to fully rely on yourself.
As I see it, the job of a therapist is to help you gain confidence and clarity in making your own best decisions.
After all, you are the expert on your own life and the problems that bring you to therapy.
The most important job of a therapist is to create a curious and collaborative environment so you can discover all the expertise and strengths that you already have and help you rely on those strengths more.
It's not to give you the answers to your problems.
I see my job as more of a guide.
I provide you with tools that may help your specific situation while also helping you to uncover your own special strengths.
My job is to help get you on the path that is true and right for you.
Therapists don't have the answers to your problems… but we look for & name your strengths!
Believe it or not, when you step into my office, I'm not overly focused on the presenting problems.
I don't want to spend a ton of time figuring out all your deficits.
Instead, I try to listen carefully to your unique resources, capabilities, strengths, and competencies.
I want to get curious about what you do well, and the times you were resilient and proud of how you solved a problem in your life.
Another benefit of drawing on your natural strengths is that change happens more quickly… as there are no new skills to learn when we draw (and expand) on your natural strengths!
You are not just the expert of your own life and your problems… You are also the expert of your solutions…
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You know your problem better than I ever could.
In therapy, I may ask you if there has been a time when your problem would have been expected to occur but didn't occur.
Or, I'll ask you when the problem did occur but wasn't quite as severe of a problem as it normally would have been.
My job as the therapist is to tease out those exceptions and get curious to find out what you are doing when the problem isn't a problem.
And then brainstorm on how we can get you to do more of that particular thing.
Therapists don't have the answers to your problems… AND they aren't going to try and impose their values on to you
Why is this so important?
I'll go back to the guide analogy:
Let's say I was an art museum guide. I might lead you around the museum and show you some famous paintings. I might even show you a couple of my favorites.
By the end of the tour, (hopefully) you'd have a sense of the layout of the museum and where you'd like to spend your remaining time.
By the end of the tour, you decide where to spend your time. Not me.
As your art museum guide, it'd be kinda weird if I tried to coerce you into returning to the 8th-century paintings when you were interested in modern art.
Likewise, my job as a therapist isn't to impart my own values and beliefs on to you.
My job is to help you get clear on what changes you want to make and help guide you in that direction.
It makes me think of the old proverb (which everyone calls Chinese… it isn't… it's from a Victorian English novelist named Anne Thackeray Ritchie… I looked it up… and now so have you… but I digress):
“Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.”
Ultimately, my goal is to help you gain clarity and get you back on your own unique path… so you have the confidence and tools to fully rely on yourself…
- not Instagram's idea of your best life…
- not your mom or dad's idea of your best life…
- not your therapist's idea of your best life…
- but your own best life.
The best part of this job isn't being the one who knows. It's watching you remember that you knew all along.
(Best job on earth, if you ask me.)
Are you ready to give therapy a go?
Feel free to contact me directly if you have questions, or schedule a brief call to see if I might be able to support you as you journey forward. If you're still deciding who to see, how to choose a couples therapist and what to expect in couples therapy are good places to start.
Fifteen minutes, no pressure, and no homework. Just a conversation about whether this is a fit.
Schedule a free 15-minute consultation with Jill
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One more thing, since it's a fair question after everything above: a guide still brings a map. In my intensives, that means a carefully structured day and a written plan you take home. The decisions about your life stay yours. (How intensives work and what they cost are on the Fees & FAQ page.)
At High Thrive Counseling, we offer:
Not sure where you fit? Start with all services or meet the team. Online therapy is available for clients located in Indiana and Florida.
Jill Frame, LMFT, CST is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist at High Thrive Counseling in Indianapolis. She works with adults and couples navigating relationship distress, infidelity, trauma, and sexual concerns — and believes the person in the chair across from her is the expert on their own life. More about Jill →