Therapists don't have the answers to your problems...
But You Do!
I’ve noticed that some people take their therapist’s advice as the capital ‘T’ Truth.
I sometimes think that therapists have replaced a role that has traditionally been given to a religious leader or a wise elder…
And I’m not gonna lie, it makes me uncomfortable.
When people say…
“Have you talked to your therapist about that?”
I sometimes wonder if what they are really asking is,
“Has your therapist given their blessing on your choice?”
Or when people say…
“I need to make an appointment to see my therapist about this problem…”
Does that statement sometimes really mean:
“I’m hoping my therapist will tell me the “right” way to handle my problem to make it go away.”
Or when people say…
“My therapist says I need to do (XYZ action)”
Is this sometimes code for,
“If I do what my therapist wants me to do, my life will be better.”
As I see it, the job of a therapist is to help you gain confidence and clarity in making your own best decisions.
The goal of therapy is not to rely on the therapist forever. It is to have the confidence and tools to fully rely on yourself.
After all, you are the expert on your own life and the problems that bring you to therapy.
The most important job of a therapist is to create a curious and collaborative environment so you can discover all the expertise and strengths that you already have and help you rely on those strengths more.
It’s not to give you the answers to your problems.
I see my job as more of a guide.
I provide you with tools that may help your specific situation while also helping you to uncover your own special strengths.
My job is to help get you on the path that is true and right for you.
Therapists Don't Have The Answers To Your Problems...
But We Look For & Name Your Strengths!
Believe it or not, when you step into my office, I’m not overly focused on the presenting problems.
I don’t want to spend a ton of time figuring out all your deficits.
Instead, I try to listen carefully to your unique resources, capabilities, strengths, and competencies.
I want to get curious about what you do well, and the times you were resilient and proud of how you solved a problem in your life.
Another benefit of drawing on your natural strengths is that change happens more quickly... as there are no new skills to learn when we draw (and expand) on your natural strengths!
You are not just the expert of your own life and your problems…
You are also the expert of your solutions…
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You know your problem better than I ever could.
In therapy, I may ask you if there has been a time when your problem would have been expected to occur but didn’t occur.
Or, I’ll ask you when the problem did occur but wasn’t quite as severe of a problem as it normally would have been
My job as the therapist is to tease out those exceptions and get curious to find out what you are doing when the problem isn't a problem.
And then brainstorm on how we can get you to do more of that particular thing.
Therapists Don't Have The Answers To Your Problems...
AND they aren't going to try and impose their values on to you
Why is this so important?
I’ll go back to the guide analogy:
Let’s say I was an art museum guide. I might lead you around the museum and show you some famous paintings. I might even show you a couple of my favorites.
By the end of the tour, (hopefully) you’d have a sense of the layout of the museum and where you’d like to spend your remaining time.
As your art museum guide, it’d be kinda weird if I tried to coerce you into returning to the 8th-century paintings when you were interested in modern art.
Likewise, my job as a therapist isn’t to impart my own values and beliefs on to you.
My job is to help you get clear on what changes you want to make and help guide you in that direction.
It makes me think of the old Chinese Proverb (yes, that’s right… Chinese… it’s not a biblical proverb… I promise… I looked it up… but I digress):
“Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.”
Ultimately, my goal is to help you gain clarity and get you back on your own unique path… so you have the confidence and tools to fully rely on yourself…
so you can live your own best life…
not your mom or dad’s idea of your best life…
not your therapist’s idea of your best life…
but your own best life.
(I have to admit… I think I may just have the best job on earth!)
Are you ready to give therapy a go?
Free free to contact me directly if you have questions or to schedule a brief call to see if I might be able to support you as you journey forward.
Jill
Looking for mental health services in Indy?
As a marriage and family therapist, I also offer:
Relationship Counseling
Individual Counseling