Discernment Counseling in Indianapolis
When ending the relationship is on the table…
Book a free 15-minute consultationDiscernment counseling at a glance
Discernment counseling is a short, structured process (1 to 5 sessions) for couples where one partner is leaning out and the other wants to try. It doesn't try to fix the marriage. It helps you decide, with clarity and confidence, whether you want to try.
- Who it's for
- Couples where one partner is considering separation or divorce and the other wants to work on the relationship.
- Your therapist
- Your choice of Jenny Staats, LMSW or Jill Frame, LMFT, CST
- Format
- 1 to 5 sessions: a 2-hour first session, then 90-minute sessions. Each one mixes time together with one-on-one time for each of you.
- Fees
- Current fees are listed on our Fees & FAQ page.
- Where
- In person at 6229 Indianola Ave in Broad Ripple, Indianapolis, or online anywhere in Indiana or Florida.
- Next step
- A free 15-minute phone consultation. You can bring your uncertainty. You don't need a speech.
One of you is trying to save it. The other has one foot out the door.
Every conversation about what's for dinner has somehow become a referendum on whether there will be another anniversary. And one of you has probably said something like:
If you're the one fighting for the relationship, those words land like a punch. If you're the one leaning out, saying them may have felt like finally telling the truth. Both of those experiences can be real at the same time. That's exactly the situation discernment counseling was built for.
You don't have to arrive with matching levels of hope
Traditional couples therapy assumes you both want to work on things. When that's not true yet, pretending it is just leaves both of you feeling misunderstood, and usually fairly annoyed.
"How do we save this?"
- I want us to try.
- Tell me what needs to change.
- I'm scared we're running out of time.
"Do I even want to try?"
- I've felt alone in this for a long time.
- I'm not sure what I have left.
- I don't want to be talked into anything.
Three paths. One decision you can actually feel good about.
The model, developed by Dr. William Doherty and colleagues at the Doherty Relationship Institute, organizes the whole process around three possible directions.
Keep things as they are
Carry on for now. No formal repair effort, and no move toward divorce.
Move toward separation
Choose separation or divorce, with more clarity about why and a better shot at doing it thoughtfully.
Commit to a real repair effort
Six months of couples therapy, with divorce taken off the table during that time.
Path 3 is a commitment to try. It isn't a guarantee of reconciliation. And no therapy commitment ever takes away your right to leave or protect yourself if the relationship becomes unsafe.
Not sure which of you "needs" this more?
Perfect. That's what the consultation is for. Tell us where things stand, and we'll figure out whether discernment counseling fits.
Book a free 15-minute consultationTogether. Individually. Together.
Each session includes time with both of you and substantial one-on-one time with each of you. You each started this process from a different place, so you each get room to think without performing for your partner.
Understand the crossroads
What brought you here? What have you tried? What feels unresolved?
Look at your own position
Each of you explores your hopes, your concerns, and your own part in how you got here.
Consider the next step
Share what you've learned and decide, together, whether to come back for another session.
It's always short-term
You both have to agree to schedule each next session. You can finish after one. You'll never go past five. Showing up to the first appointment doesn't commit you to months of anything.
Discernment counseling vs. couples therapy
Couples therapy is about solving the problems. Discernment counseling is about figuring out whether the problems can be solved, and whether you both want to solve them.
| Topic | Discernment counseling | Couples therapy |
|---|---|---|
| The question | "Are we willing to work on this?" | "How do we work on this?" |
| Best for | One partner leaning in, one leaning out | Both partners want to improve the relationship |
| Length | 1 to 5 sessions | Ongoing, based on your goals |
| In the room | Mostly individual time, plus shared time | Mostly joint sessions |
| The goal | Clarity and confidence about a direction | Change patterns, communication, trust or intimacy |
Already both on board? Couples counseling in Indianapolis may already match your goals. Need more than an hour at a time? Look at a couples therapy intensive.
If this is where you are right now, start here
Two therapists. You pick the fit.
- LMSW
- Couples + Premarital
- ADHD
- EMDR Therapist
I love helping couples understand the patterns that keep getting in the way, especially the ones that have quietly been running the show for years.
My style is warm, practical and collaborative. If ADHD, stress, parenting or a big life transition has turned your relationship into a never-ending logistics meeting, I get it. In discernment counseling, I'll help each of you get honest about what you want, without anyone being rushed into an answer.
Meet Jenny
- LMFT
- AASECT Certified Sex Therapist
- EMDR Therapist
I love working with couples. The messy ones. The stuck ones. The ones who walked in having the same argument for the 847th time and the ones who aren't sure they want to walk in at all.
In discernment counseling, I'm not on "team stay" or "team go." I'm on team clarity. I'll ask direct questions, make room for the complicated parts, and help both of you look honestly at what's actually happening, including the stuff everyone's been carefully tiptoeing around.
As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I'm trained to look at the relationship as a system, not to pick a villain. That matters a lot when one of you is leaning out and the other is holding on with both hands.
Meet JillWhen discernment counseling isn't the right fit
These exclusions come from the University of Minnesota team that developed the model.
What the research says (and what it doesn't)
Discernment counseling is a newer model, so the research is promising but still limited. In the first published study of 100 couples, here's what couples chose by the end of the process:
Source: Doherty, Harris & Wilde (2016), Journal of Marital and Family Therapy.
Those numbers describe the decisions couples made, not marriage-saving success rates. The study had no control group, so it can't prove discernment counseling caused better outcomes. A later interview study found that divorced participants described benefits like clarity and cooperation, though it was a small sample: 11 people completed a survey and 8 were interviewed (Emerson, Harris & Ahmed, 2021).
Here's what we see in our own work: many couples begin to feel less stuck once the question shifts from "Who's right?" to "What do we each actually want?" No counselor can promise which path your partner will choose. What we can offer is a structured, honest place to make the decision.
You can start with uncertainty
"We're in different places, and we don't know what to do next" is a perfectly good opening line.
Book a free 15-minute consultationDiscernment counseling in Indianapolis, and online throughout Indiana & Florida
In person in Indianapolis
6229 Indianola Ave, Indianapolis, IN 46220. Convenient to Broad Ripple, Meridian-Kessler, Carmel, Fishers, Zionsville, Westfield and Noblesville.
Get directions →Online in Indiana & Florida
Secure video sessions for couples anywhere in the State of Indiana or the State of Florida, from Fort Wayne to Evansville, and from Jacksonville to Miami.
Ask about online sessions →The things people usually want to know
What is discernment counseling?
Discernment counseling is a brief (1 to 5 session) approach developed by Dr. William Doherty for "mixed-agenda" couples, where one partner is leaning out and the other is leaning in. Its goal is clarity and confidence about the relationship's direction, not fixing the relationship itself.
How is discernment counseling different from marriage counseling?
Marriage counseling assumes both partners want to repair the relationship. Discernment counseling answers the question that comes first: do you both want to try? If you choose to try, couples therapy is usually the next step.
How many sessions will we need?
Between one and five. At the end of each session, you both decide whether to come back. Some couples reach clarity in a single session.
How much does discernment counseling cost?
Discernment counseling is billed at your therapist's standard session rate. The first session is 2 hours, and any follow-up sessions are 90 minutes. You'll find current fees for Jenny and Jill on our Fees & FAQ page.
Who provides discernment counseling at High Thrive?
Both Jenny Staats, LMSW and Jill Frame, LMFT, CST offer discernment counseling. Jenny is a great fit for couples working through communication patterns, ADHD in the relationship or big life transitions. Jill often works with couples facing betrayal, sexual concerns or long-standing conflict. Not sure? We'll help you choose during your free consultation.
Are you going to try to talk us into staying together?
Nope. The only people qualified to decide whether your marriage can or should be saved are the two people in it. Our job is to provide structure and honest questions, including a few uncomfortable ones.
Are you going to suggest divorce?
Also nope. Divorce isn't a "failed" outcome, and staying isn't a "win." The aim is a decision you can both understand and live with.
What if there has been an affair?
Mention it during your consultation, including whether it's ongoing. It affects the assessment, not whether you're allowed to come. If you choose repair, an affair recovery intensive may be a good next step.
Can I do discernment counseling by myself?
The formal process requires both partners. If your partner won't come, individual therapy can still help you sort through your own grief, boundaries and options. For ideas on how to ask, read how to ask your partner to try couples therapy.
Do you offer discernment counseling online in Indiana and Florida?
Yes. Online sessions are available for couples located anywhere in Indiana or Florida when telehealth is clinically appropriate. In-person sessions are at our Broad Ripple office in Indianapolis.
The hardest part is getting started
You don't need to know which path you'll choose. You just need 15 minutes and a willingness to talk about it.
Book a free 15-minute consultation